The Good, The Bad, & The Absolutely Fugly

A few days back I was riding the metro minding my own business per usual when a guy I know from my church-going days entered the metro. He looked at me awkwardly as though it pained him to see me; his eyes bulged slightly, and his mouth reluctantly formed a smile. He sat down at the far end across me, and struck up a conversation, which went as follows:

Him: Hey. Good to see you. How've you been?

Me: Fine. Just fine.

Him: I run into your sister quite a lot in H & M.

Me: Yes, she happens to work there.

Him: Yeah, that's cool.

At this point I cleared my throat, of course, in slight irritation. I quite managed not to roll my eyes at him, though I felt like, and had pictured myself doing so at several intervals during our talk.

Him: How's your brother Carlos?

Me: He's fine. Just fine.

Note: my brother's name is Giancarlo. We call him Carlo for short. Not Carlos. There's no-one in his circle of acquaintance who calls him that, except - of course - those who hover at the outer rims.

Him: Say hi to him for me, OK?

Me: Sure. I'll say hi to Carlos for you.

I thought to myself: "Yes, I'll say hi to some random Carlos for you... Idiot."

Luckily, he had to get off at the next stop. When I was walking home I dug into my memory in search for the answer to why I didn't particularly feel like talking to him. I come across many people haphazard whom I know from my church-going days, and some of them I talk to without their causing the slightest irritation, and others just make my skin crawl. I have forgotten most of the people's faces, at any rate, which is an excellent way to not notice them genuinely. Then it struck me that he has always been - as far as my recollection could take me - an idiot. Some people are just born that way. Always asking silly questions. Always causing my skin to itch.

I've been exchanging messages with a nice young intelligent man who lives in Minneapolis. He makes me smile. Not only because of his understated sense of humour, but mostly because we are so much a like. It's heartwarming to come across people who are so much like you in a sense.

My life's still bobbing along quite indolently, being pushed forward by various winds of change. I don't know what to do actually, and as of late I find I have very little time to really rest. To take some time and examine things.

I've been listening to a whole lot of Me'shell Ndgéocello lately (her cd Bitter), and I'm completely smitten with her voice. If ever I should compile a list featuring songs that define me, or certain experiences I have gone through the song Bitter would most definitely be on the list. Which other songs would be on that list?

Too many to list. I'll have to muse on this one.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to Bitter.

ME'SHELL NDGÉOCELLO
Bitter

You push me away bitterly
My apologies fall on your deaf ears
You curse my name bitterly
And now your eyes they look at me bitterly

I stand ashamed amidst my foolish pride
'Cause for us there'll be no more
For us there'll be no more
And now my eyes look at you bitterly
Bitterly bitterly