Liquid

In the grand scheme of things why should it matter if I choose to watch amateur porn as a pastime? Why should anyone go out of their way to reprove me for watching innocent little clips of people emulating the fabulous lives of porn stars? Would not one deliver a great injustice to these aspiring porn stars by denying them an audience? I do not have the heart to snub their (American) dreams of limited fame, forestalled fortune, and earthy happiness. Besides, their stellar performances have inspired me to adopt a signature moan.

I am obliged to ride the train more often than my delicate sensibilities can handle. It is almost a rule of thumb that some, or other, stranger with lambent eyes, or pendulous breasts, or a menacing moustache, or drenched in some designer disinfectant seeks conversation with me; either by staring at me until I feel extremely uncomfortable and am forced into conversation, or by simply starting talking to me as though we are old acquaintances.

I wonder whether I'm unconciously sending out signals that say: "I'm starved for conversation. Do not mind this book that I'm reading. It is just a silly ploy to keep my attention from wandering to the fact that I had rather talk right now than read. I will commend you for seeing through this shoddy ploy."

At any rate, a few days back I was sitting in the train minding my own business, which was reading 'Cakes and Ale', when a Chinese couple entered the train. They were heavily in conversation and hurriedly looking for some empty seats. Like the gentleman I am, I non-verbally let know that there were a couple of seats empty where I was seated by removing my bag, and my feet, off the empty seats. They repaid my magnanimity with a broad smile, and several flitting glances, and nestled themselves swiftly in the available spaces lest someone should beat them to the empty seats. All the while they were feverishly talking Chinese.
I smiled. I had taken, when I was in college, some Chinese language lessons. I tried to figure out what they were saying; alas to no avail. They were speaking - to my knowledge - Mandarin, and I had only learned Cantonese. Nevertheless I was distracted by their animation if not by what they were saying. After a while though I dug back into my book. From the corner of my eye, however, I could espy the Chinese couple eyeing me as though I was some curious artefact. I looked up. They smiled broadly. I smiled back, and nodded. The man blushed. The girl giggled. I was perturbed - if only moderately. They gave me these knowing looks, as though I had been made part of their secret world. The communication between us was entirely sub rosa.

I was intrigued. I feigned understanding what they were talking about; I closely followed their non-verbal communication, and reacted accordingly. I could see that now they started to feel a bit uncomfortable. Aha! This little play went on until I had to get off. When I stood up to exit the train they both looked up at me, and smiled intently and let their eyes linger on me as I walked down the aisle to the door.

Delighted to be
In your arms again
I grew a simple wish
At the edge
Of my eyelash:

Let all the deeds
of trust make arches.