Frozen

I suppose I should write an introduction, or other. I suppose I should delineate my intentions, or rather, what my wishes are, with a certain care. Should not it be funny if that were my shortcoming?

Of the social rituals I find the mediated introduction the most deleterious. It is wicked in that the act of your being presented to another person is always accompanied by a brief synopsis of your person; written, and unedited, by the person who is mediating the act.

"May I introduce you to Frozen Tapwater? He's the most glistening ice cube in the sea of cola; and, I have heard that he does not melt in your hand, but rather in your mouth. So, you can shake his hand without any apprehension. He's a good friend of mine, yes. We have known each other for - what is it? - six years now."

Smiles appear, whether genuine or fake, followed by a string of perfunctory courteous questions. The 'conversation' gets flailed anxiously by the newly acquainted lest an awkward silence falls and they get rushed to the real world in which they care nothing for each other's existence.

"So..."

"Straw tells me you're in accounting?"

"Yes, uh, but I sort of hate my job, and I'd rather not talk about it... if you know what I mean."

"Oh. Fortunately I don't know..."

[Pause]

"Yes, isn't that Bubbles over there?"

"Who?"

"I'm going to say Hello to Bubbles."

"OK."

And quite against common sense we persist in subjecting each other to this social minuet. I once, in a fit of absence of mind, introduced two friends of mine who instantly took a dislike to each other but remained perfectly courteous the entire time. It was the most horrific thing I had ever seen.

One of them on the next occasion he saw me said: "What a character such-and-such was. He worked the room like an inspirational speaker, whose motto - which was without a doubt prompted by some insidious side-effect of a stimulant drug - read "Let's keep the discussion lively - at any cost."

The other was equally witty: "Such-and-such looks really great. Does he use the souls of young virgins as a moisturizer?"

That was the last time I introduced people to each other.

I love not Boys,
Or silly Men.
I love rhetorically
For lack of toys

But every now and then
I kiss them metaphysically
Just to feel
The Universe shake with the fever

Of being born again.